The evening performance too is a nightmare. Not only do the performers who draw laughs or approval talk about the very matters which you actively avoid as yesterday's news or pigeon-holing in its very ubiquity, but you have of course to perform something you no longer believe in under the critical gaze of not only those who've decided you're no good, but who have active power in large fields of opportunity to make sure certain doors stay firmly closed to you on the strength of it...You perform the twisted comic monologue fine - not as well as you could have done, but then you have no experience of performing comedy, but it was alright. The CD they pack you all off with at the end you don't bother playing until years have past, when you have done comic stuff on stage (although in another artform).
And then of course, once you become an administrator in the scene, ads come to you, even for these hosts whom you know to be patronizing and insincere...one of whose work at least, you actively dislike...What to do? Just let it go. When folks say 'aren't x great?' just nod. There comes a point in any scene where if you've seen enough, but always had a different take on what you wanted to see and indeed do, but that it was a hard-to-get-commissioned thing, or a lateral take, the danger is that you will always stand outside the scene, and heartily dislike acts which other folks really go for or admire. Don't get bogged down in sounding as cynical as you sometimes feel. Keep that for the stuffed toy on the shelf! And actively seek out acts that you can relate to, that are like what you yourself do (or would have done), to connect with in some way. Always have an 'I prefer' reply, rather than a 'No I don't'.
It isn't easy. No one's claiming it is. Chin up. Minor parking fine.